I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
