you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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