I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
