I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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