There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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