true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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