my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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