It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
