he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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