ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
