I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
