So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
