he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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