so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
