So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
