she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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