Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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