stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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