AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
