the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
