gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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