Already got asked if we're dating
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
