Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
