Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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