Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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