I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
