omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
