chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
