nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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