I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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