dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am naked and annoyed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
