It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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