I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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