I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
