how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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