so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
