why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
