I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
