lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
