Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
