Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
even my farts smell like vagina
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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