Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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