I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
