So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
where am i from again
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
