honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
