im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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