And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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