I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
