he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
