he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
