and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
