I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
