CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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