Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
