So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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