ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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