Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it's like iHOP with fire
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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