It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
